For the past few weeks two small children have been visiting our house. Actually it’s three mornings every week, all morning, until school is out for the summer. Both of their parents found jobs, and their schoolteacher mom won’t have her mornings free until summer break.
In return for watching the kids in the mornings, their mom has been taking care of Scott for a similar amount of afternoon time. This has given me enough undisturbed time to make substantial progress on one of my educational computer programs. An early test version should be ready soon!
The youngest child is 4 years old, a cute little girl who sees herself as a fairy tale princess. She adores horses, the color pink, and sparkly shoes. Her brother is a strong, energetic 6 year old. He likes dinosaurs and army toys.
The two kids are okay by themselves, but together they make an explosive pair. Sometimes one of them feels slighted, usually for something extremely trivial. He (or she) complains. The other makes a negative spoken response. Within 15 seconds the situation escalates into a physical rolling-on-the-floor fight.
So I pry them apart and tell them to keep away from each other for a few minutes. It doesn’t work. Regardless of who is the “victim” and whose “fault” it all is, within a few seconds one of them will lash out at the other again. Then it spirals out of control again, continuing until one (usually the girl) is crying and the other is hiding from an irritated Uncle Charlie.
And sometimes I’m the target. Sometimes I’ll feel a little boy land on my back, beating my shoulders and twisting my head, yelling in my ear, pulling my hair… Of course this immediately triggers my self-defense instincts. I haven’t smacked him hard in the gut with my elbow yet, but I’ve come close a few times. Yippee for self control.
What makes it almost funny is the sound effects. Yes indeed, sound effects. When the boy isn’t shrieking, he uses his voice to make little biff / pow / whap noises. I think he sees himself as the hero of an action movie.
Part of the cause for all this fuss is a lack of perceived authority. I’m nice harmless Uncle Charlie, not a serious disciplinary substitute for Mommy or Daddy. The first week, both of them just laughed if I gave any instructions. They ignored time-out as if I had said nothing. Don’t ask what they did to the wallpaper.
Then their mom had several long talks with them. Gradually they started to take me seriously. Now, a few weeks later, they actually listen. Sometimes they even ask me to mediate rather than launch right into a fight. Of course negotiation and diplomacy don’t always work, but at least it’s a start.
Here are a few things that I’ve learned so far:
1. Sibling rivaly is alive and well in the 21st century. There’s only one of me and two of them (plus Scott), so they try to compete for attention. They often make mutually exclusive demands just to see how I’ll react.
2. For children that young, the internal mental state can be very different from the external reality. Both are equally important and must not be ignored. They react much more positively when adults can operate in both realities at the same time.
Example: The boy was afraid of a bee which had already flown away several minutes earlier. He pinched himself on the arm and muttered something about bees. I saw no marks on him and heard nothing about it the rest of the day. Later he told his mom that he had been stung.
3. Baby-proofing a house is much easier than preschooler-proofing. Kids that age are fully mobile, excellent climbers, and very curious about everything.
4. DVD movies can keep children busy for hours. The same is true for colored construction paper and scotch tape.
5. Sharp scissors are best kept far out of reach. No, really. Lucky it hit noggin and not eyeball that time.
6. It’s best to have at least four bananas if there are three children present. One of the kids will be extra hungry, and none of them will want to share.
Today I’m resting and recovering. Scott is taking a nap. Dana’s sister is in town, so they’re sewing clothes over at a friend’s house. Finally I have time to stretch out on the floor with my iBook, listen to the rain, and organize my thoughts.
Fridays are nice.
